I understand the basic of my weakness, is my perfectionism. I am still learning why I have the tendency of terrified making mistakes, waiting for the perfect moment for my initiatives, or craving detailed structure for each activity.
Those tendencies were so intense during my undergrads, but by managing the balance between project to project involvements & academic achievements, I think, I had learned some rule-based to combat my perfectionism.
First, if there were any problems, I was no longer hiding but I took the risk of meeting them. I did some small wins to cover the mistakes, then gradually correct the longer-term progress. Second, if there were any mistakes, I remember a Prof said to me: “it’s okay, mistakes are normal in everyday life.” I also like what Brits said: “one of those days” then it reduced my overthinking. Third, I conducted contrast separation between two domains “what I can control” and “what I cannot control” like I can manage my internal perception at ease rather than changing external remarks.
Yes, I still can not move on thinking about my graduation day. It’s already passed like 3 years since early 2019, but it’s still like yesterday. That first year of graduation, I was exploring moving from smaller into the bigger ‘my country’ capital city. In 2020 left memories of a tough year for me, how I survived from Covid-19 socio-economic impacts. I didn’t want to back to zero position in my hometown, so I did everything to turn palm — this disguise of the layoffs should be a blessing. I think, in 2021 I met what job gives me a meaningful sense of contributions. Hopefully this 2022, I am no longer waiting for something unknown. Pray for me to intensify my exploration & curiosity now — not the perfect time.
